I received the call. The details were incomplete and vague. The death was confirmed. The lives of myself and every one of my family members as well as many other families were now changed forever. God will heal us all. It will take time and a lot of prayer and perseverance. Yet even with this Divine Healing our lives will never be the same. We will always have this void in our hearts and lives on this side of Heaven for our loved one who so tragically and suddenly left us.
Now at this very moment of being overwhelmingly devastated, I had to prepare to travel in the dark, alone to another state hours away. I had to drive into the tragedy to do whatever I possibly could to help my family members. Only, only by the Grace of God was I able to make that drive on that fatal night 2 weeks ago.
I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t even think. I couldn’t see through the tears and sobbing that was relentlessly shaking my body and fogging my mind. It was as if I had to tell myself every step of the way what I needed to do each moment of the way. I told myself to pack a bag of clothes and cosmetics. I had to tell myself to get gas and needed coffee. I had to tell myself to get on the freeway and which freeways to transfer to when I got to that point.
I usually listen to awesome Christian praise and worship music every time I drive or Christian teaching and preaching CDs. I couldn’t even listen to anything. All that I could do to keep my mind intact was to repeat “Jesus Christ of Nazareth” over and over and over, hundreds and hundreds of times while I went through the motion of driving for all of the hours that I had to drive.
Then about half way to my destination, the Holy Spirit reminded me to speak forth the 23rd Psalm. God reminded me in my pain that I had just heard a teaching by Beth Moore that day about how God’s WORD when spoken out is also being prophetically spoken to accomplish God’s purpose. (I can not state exactly what she taught, and don’t want to misrepresent her teaching, but that was my take from what God brought to my remembrance at that moment.)
So, I started speaking out the 23rd Psalm over and over and over again. I was amazed that the very first time that I recited it, my tears subsided. Subsequent times that I spoke it out, I was able to focus better and it was less of a struggle to keep my mind intact. I didn’t have to actually tell myself every move that I needed to make. Some of the usual things that I usually did when I drove just became usual again. (As if that even makes any sense. But it really makes sense to me because I was hanging onto to my sanity for dear life.)
I don’t know if everyone feels this way; but as a Mother, if something is adversely affecting or hurting my children or grandchildren this is much more devastating then if something is just hurting me. In this circumstance I am not only broken, but I need to be strong in my brokenness for my family members. This calls for all of the Grace of God to even begin to succeed in. And that is exactly what God gave me; all of His Grace to even make it through the moments.
In fact on the second day after this horrific drive alone, (yet never alone because Jesus is always with me), in the dark, driving toward the tragedy; the Holy Spirit reminded me to ask for more of God’s Grace. I remembered what I had learned in Bible College, that we could pray for more Grace and God would give more of His Grace to us. As I prayed for more Grace, I felt a little joy arise in my own spirit. The Joy of the LORD is our strength and God knew that I needed His strength to even cope, to even make it through the moments, hours, days, weeks and throughout life and to be strong for my family. Glory to God!
The drive took twice as many hours as it usually does. There was a large section of the freeway that was closed off for a very long time due to a fatal multi-car accident. My family member was not the only one who had died on that day of course.
Well it has now been 2 weeks. God has done a great and supernatural healing thus far in my life and the lives of my family members and He will continue to do so. It is and will be a long and painful journey filled with tears at some point during the upcoming days, but also filled with God’s Grace and Mercy, Peace and Love. God is a Father to the fatherless. To God be the Glory!
I will be writing to you again. In the meantime I will be praying for you all and you please pray for me and my family. God keep His angels around you and all of your generations and protect you. I love you all so very much and most importantly, Jesus loves you and He never leaves you.
PSALM 23 THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD, I SHALL NOT WANT. HE MAKES ME TO LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES. HE LEADS ME BESIDE THE STILL WATERS. HE RESTORES MY SOUL. HE LEADS ME IN PATHS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS FOR HIS NAMES SAKE. YEA, THO I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH I WILL FEAR NO EVIL. FOR THOU ART WITH ME. THY ROD AND THY STAFF THEY COMFORT ME. THOU PREPAREST A TABLE BEFORE ME IN THE PRESENCE OF MINE ENEMIES. THOU ANOINTEST MY HEAD WITH OIL. MY CUP OVERFLOWS. SURELY GOODNESS AND MERCY SHALL FOLLOW ME ALL OF THE DAYS OF MY LIFE. AND I SHALL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD FOREVER.
(written by memory)